Ed's a funny dude, right? He cracks me up all the time. We laugh a lot -- and we laugh a lot in bed, too.
Yeah, I mean "in bed" euphemistically for "when we're having sex."
But every now and then -- and Ed has said I can share this with you -- things go horribly wrong. The other night he made a crack about a baby batter injection and I had to leave the room because I was so incapable of dealing.
During my self-imposed time out, I emailed the other xoJaners to share my horror. And, to my relief and amusement, they had their own tales of mid-coitus woe. These are all anonymous because they're all way more into dignity than I am. And so, a short list:
- "Love marinade."
- "Wanna chow down on that?" while he pointed at his crotch.
- "I've wanted this for so long." -- dude I realized was actually a stalker.
- "Wait for it....wait for it...." while fingering me. WHAT WAS I WAITING FOR?!
- "How do you feel about abortion?" while the dude was inside.
- "I bet your vagina feels so hot and amazing right now." while she had a 103-degree fever.
- "Did you take taxes out of that freelance check you just cashed?"
Talk about romance.
I will say that one editor refused to share because (she says) she's just too proper. But oversharing is the xoJane way, don't you think? So come on, y'all -- what's the least sexy, most mood killing thing a partner has ever said to YOU in bed?