Everyone Got SO Mad At Me For Suggesting Penis-in-Vagina Sex Maybe Doesn't Feel That Great

I rarely hear anyone admitting that the actual sensation of p-in-the-v can be kind of meh.

Feb 19, 2013 at 10:00am | Leave a comment

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I think I just started a Twitter war.

It started with a totally innocent, very professional conversation I was having with an unnamed coworker about fucking. We were talking about the way that intercourse feels to us versus the way it appears to feel for our partners. We couldn't stop laughing talking about it, so I decided to tweet the same kind of stupid sex thing I always tweet.

 

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The tweet that started it all.

And everybody FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT.

To be fair, I think the phrasing of my original tweet was a big part of the problem. Nobody likes to be told how to feel. I was being tongue-in-cheek, but I do know that as cool a superhero name as it would be, my vagina is not THE ULTIMATE VAGINA. We're built differently, we like different things. I can see how the statement I tweeted, if untrue for you, would irk.

I just rarely hear anyone admitting that the actual sensation of p-in-the-v can be kind of meh. And since only 25% of women consistently orgasm during vaginal intercourse, I have to believe I'm not the only one who feels that way. Nobody else imagined something way awesomer before they had sex for the first time?

I tried to explain myself, as tweets poured in firmly disagreeing with my conclusions and lamenting my stupidity.

Let me be clear here: I really like having a penis in my vagina for lots of psychological reasons. REALLY LIKE IT. I would be unhappy in a relationship that didn't include frequent intercourse. It just doesn't physically feel like all that much. As one respondee put it, it basically feels kind of like putting in a tampon. And then I guess pulling it in and out repeatedly? I mean, really, what's so different about doing that with a penis?

I don't think that means there's anything wrong with me or other women who feel the same way. I also don't think there's anything wrong with the men I've been with or any part of their anatomy or performance. I use my clitoris to cum and that's better than OK. But people seemed to really want to fix this for me, to get the root of the "problem" somehow.

Of the maybe like 100 responses I got, people fell into the following camps:

1. I'm using the wrong penis/too small a penis/maybe have a large vagina.

I guess I should have anticipated the flood of "You've been with the wrong guys"-type responses, since that's why guys say anytime a woman is not-that-into some aspect of sex or a lesbian. I liked the guy who said, "Maybe a bigger penis is required for you," because it seemed like a pretty tactful way of saying, "You might have a big loose vagina."

But, you guys, I don't think having sex with a guy with a bigger penis is going to suddenly put my clit inside my vagina.

2. The guys I've been with are doing sex wrong.

This is kind of a variation of the "wrong guy" theme, since apparently, intercourse will feel amazing to me if the guy just moves his penis differently. But as I said before, it's not like my sample size is small. If the problem is a lack of "moves" then I have to assume most of the populations sucks at sex.

3. I have the wrong vagina.

Or, as one gentleman so charmingly put it, "Right key, wrong car." There's nothing wrong with my car, OK? She's a beautiful shiny Rolls Royce and she gets really good gas mileage or something else that would make a car desirable. I don't know a lot about cars.

4. I am doing sex wrong.

I need to position myself differently, I need to focus more, I need to use a vibrator. One person gave me so many tips on how to engage my clitoris during intercourse that I felt like screaming, "I don't need to be taught how to do sex!" I like sex, I know how to get off during sex, I know all the tricks of the trade. But engaging my clitoris to have an orgasm during intercourse doesn't actually mean that intercourse itself is making me cum.

5. I am to be pitied.

So many people were SO sad for me! "Oh you poor darling," tweeted one woman. "This tweet breaks my heart & troubles my soul," wrote another. Like, I'm doing OK, everybody. Really!

6. I need to meditate.

"Meditation can help. Connecting your mind to your vagina and clitoris so that both are turned on during sex, whether you are experiencing penetration or experiencing frottage."

So many women who cum from intercourse make it seem like you have to go on some kind of vagina vision quest to have an orgasm. Men don't have to have a fucking spiritual awakening to get off, so why should I have to meditate my way into an orgasm?

7. Penises are literally the best thing that's ever happened to anyone.

"Gotta respectfully disagree. the way I’m built there are v few things on earth more pleasurable than being filled up w/cock."

When I read this response and some other similarly porno-esque ones, I felt like going, "Shhh. It's OK, we can talk about it somewhere the men can't hear us." Which is unfair, because I know some people genuinely think intercourse feels amazing and maybe that girl is one of them but something about that sexytime language just feels so performative to me.

Of course, a lot of people just plain old disagreed with me in a rational way, and I have to believe they are experiencing an entirely different sensation than I am. But the silent "favorites" keep rolling in, so I KNOW I'm not the only one!

Besides all the fun psychological stuff about boning, does intercourse physically feel that much better than inserting a tampon to you?  Do you cum from intercourse? Are you mad at me about my tweets?