I hate running so much that I’m giving serious consideration to sawing both of my legs off, crawling over to the man who invented running and clubbing him to death with them while I shout “LOOK AT WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!” right into his face.
running
george clooney
Not being able to grow a beard as good as George Clooney’s is roughly as painful as childbirth, periods, legwaxing and repeatedly hitting your head on the glass ceiling combined.
lads
Being a LAD basically means being a superlad; that where once you could have read Loaded and been partly shielded by the veneer of irony, now you just swan around with your top off outside Wetherspoons, shouting “UNK! TITS!” at people and then stabbing someone.
sexting
Robyn Wilder and Stuart Heritage of LUV and HAT take on today’s sexiest burning issue.
the internet
Your columns and posts and comments and tweets are adding to all the white noise on the internet, as is this post. The one you're reading right now. It’s half-baked and reactionary and utterly without merit. It’s just the latest turd on the pile.
stuart heritage
I have a strange sort of appreciation for people who use sex dolls. I’m pretty sure that, if it wasn’t for people who have sex with dolls, man would have never made it to the moon.
great british bake off
Boy baking does not require icing of any form. You know who uses icing? Girls, your mum and old people. And that’s it. You are not any of these things. You are a boy. You mainly bake bread.
stuart heritage
Single-handedly laying out the uniform opinion of half the human beings on the planet is a big ask. Especially when you don’t know the answer.
