I Need Your Help, Dear Reader - How Do I Deal With My Ex BFF When I Inevitably Bump In To Her?

There’s no way I could be friends with her again. When I tell someone to “fuck off and die”, as she effectively did to my career, I mean it. If the world was flooded with piss and she owned the only tree, I still wouldn’t bother.

Jan 16, 2013 at 1:30pm | Leave a comment

OK, so once again I am calling on you, dear commenters of xoJane, to help me sort my life out. Should have figured it out by the age of thirty, right? Team Awkward For The Lose.

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In keeping with the awkwardness that colours every aspect of my life, this one’s a social (or socialising) problem. What I want to know is, how do you handle bumping into an ex-friend who done you a grevious wrong?

My particular ex-friend is a former work colleague I sat next to for two months a couple of years ago. We got on well enough that we’d started socialising together outside the office, which culminated in us getting invited backstage a deux after a Snoop Dogg concert, turning his massively over-sized security guard down, and bitching frantically about the rest of the staff while we were at it. A bona fide baby friendship.

Then, DISASTER STRUCK in the form of that music festival where I was nearly sexually assaulted and - whole other story- nearly run over by a well-known indie band. Even without those particular incidents, the festival didn’t go well.

I speech impedimented my way through an on-camera interview with a minor chart star, tweeted about the torrential rain (thus risking offending the magazine’s all-important advertisers), and missed another interview altogether after being almost assaulted.

And, long story short, my now ex-friend, who was in charge of all the editorial staff over the course of the festival - and was desperately trying to deflect attention from her own ineptitude - got me sacked.

I’ve since had an apology from the magazine in question, but never from her. A fact that rankles all the more when my husband, who still works with her, tells me that she asks about me All. The. Time.

Dublin is very small. More like a village than a major city, in that everyone who lives here knows someone who knows everyone else. Usually, I love that about it. But now that I’ve found out that my ex-friend's social life and mine are starting to converge again, so there’s no way I won’t bump into her one drunken evening.

Clearly, I’m less than thrilled. I need to know how to handle things when I see her. There’s no way I could be friends with her again. When I tell someone to “fuck off and die”, as she effectively did to my career, I mean it. If the world was flooded with piss and she owned the only tree, I still wouldn’t bother.

I don’t even really know if it's friendship, or merely us being back on civil terms, is what she wants. But is it OK to voice that to her?

Am I better off reverting to type and either pulling a full-on Garbo sulk while she’s around, or making nice and just saying “hi” and pretending bygones are bygones?

I’m really keen to try out a technique I once used on a similarly treachorous ex-boyfriend wherein I answered every question he asked with positive “my life fucking rocks” type responses, and never asked a single one about him, all the better to deflate his ego.

Have you been in a similar situation? What did you do? And, more importantly, what the fuck should I do? Let me know below, or on Twitter @AlisandeF