After reading an article on xojane.com a couple of weeks ago about someone candidly posting on Reddit that they were a serial rapist who had ‘raped several girls through the use of coercion, alcohol and other tactics’, a light bulb went off in my head.
I know a woman who uses suspiciously similar tactics to the self-confessed ‘Reddit Rapist’ to get men into bed. And not only do myself and our mutual friends know about this – WE LAUGH ABOUT IT.
That’s right – up until now we’ve never deemed this unacceptable behaviour. Maybe because stereotypically straight, hot-blooded men are meant to want sex from a woman regardless of whether they were coerced in to doing so. It could never be, really, underneath it all, non-consensual... Could it?
It could – the uncomfortable fact is that if these men had been sober, or more in control of what was happening to them, it would never have happened.
A friend of mine, one of this women’s victims (for wont of a better word) actually spoke to me about it. I’m not sure how the subject came up - I think we were discussing how their hook up had happened in the first place, to which he said, ‘Well, it’s rape, basically’.
I laughed, thinking he was being a tad dramatic. He continued, ‘She waits till you’re too drunk to even stand, than forces herself on to you.’
‘Wow, does it make you feel a bit sick when you think about it the next day?’ I’m obviously thinking back to my own drunken, regrettable encounters here.
‘Erm - yeah a little bit. But I try not to think about it really, and in fairness I can’t remember much, thankfully’.
Imagine if the genders were reversed and this was the conversation a woman was having about a man? The term rape might not be the right one to use here, but whatever you want to call it – it’s certainly not cool.
In the instances I’m thinking of, the man in question would never show a remote sexual interest in this woman earlier in the evening, and as the evening wore on, she’d literally start to joke about who she her next victim would be out of all the men left at the end of the evening.
I’m seriously starting to doubt if she’s had consensual sex at all in the last ten years. That’s pretty astounding.
The woman in question is in her mid-thirties, despite having a good, fun (albeit loud) personality, a sexual partner list that delves well into the hundreds and possibly hitting thousands, she’s never had a boyfriend or relationship, serious or otherwise.
Not that this matters one way or another, but maybe it’s relevant here because the type of men she ‘chooses’ are not the one who choose her back.
I honestly doubt she’s ruined any men’s lives with her behaviour, but thinking back to some of the men who have had this happen to them, many of them shudder at the memory.
They usually laugh directly afterwards, and maybe they were just doing it for effect, but I’m sure there’s some truth in that initial response.
‘Do not take advantage of any human being who is intoxicated by anything legal or illegal’ should be applicable to both men and women, not just men - and as many posters on the Reddit thread commented, if your friend is the rapey kind (again I’m using the term loosely), do the decent thing and keep an eye on their behaviour.
At the very least, please don’t laugh it under the carpet like I regrettably did.