Talking In Your Sleep: What's The Best Thing You've Ever Said Unconsciously?

I'm known to carry on full-on conversation while I blissfully rest, andI find the second-hand accounts of these talks to be endlessly delightful.

Sep 27, 2013 at 7:00pm | Leave a comment

I love sleep. Adore it. I spend way too much time sleeping, and probably should spend less, but I can't help it that it's so relaxing and enjoyable. Ah, so many blissful hours I have spent in a duvet burrito, dreaming of the strangest and most entertaining things.

Naturally the weird occurrences that take place in our subconscious are bound to make their way in to our waking lives and relationships. To this day, I have a debilitating fear of whales and most deep sea life due to a nightmare I had a few years ago and will never be able to get over.

And we all know how awkward things can get when you have a romantic dream about someone you have to see every day and, up to that point, had NO FEELINGS ABOUT, WHATSOEVER. Ugh, get out of my subconscious, person I totally don't see "that way"!

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I bet Sleeping Beauty had a lot of weird shit to say while she was under that spell.

One of the best ways sleep and real life intertwine though, in my opinion, is sleep-talking. We all do it, or at least, I hope we all do. Otherwise, this article will be a total flop. But ... basically, with all the time I spend sleeping (while most of the world is awake), I've had plenty of conversations with people without even knowing it. Of course, the only time I ever know about these conversations is when people are kind enough to relay them back to me when I'm in a more wakeful state of mind. 

The first I recall being told about was when I was asleep on the sofa at my grandmother's and my parents came home from a night out. They were supposed to sleep on the sofa bed but I had already nestled in and dozed off. My dad, trying to wake me, was met with a defiant sleeping child who kept telling him that, "My dad told me I could sleep here!" Eventually he grew annoyed with arguing with a dozing little girl and picked me up and put me on the floor. 

As I got older and grew too big to be picked up and placed elsewhere when my snoozing self became argumentative (this turned into a running theme), people continued to argue along with me. Which looking at it now, seems kind of ridiculous. Why do people so often try to convince the sleeping person that they are wrong, even when they obviously are? We're asleep! Logic goes out the door!

One of these situations occurred on a hot Summer night when I, struggling to sleep, went in to my sister's empty bedroom and took her fan. When she eventually came upstairs to go to sleep, she came in and asked why I had taken her fan. At this point, I was asleep, but still totally willing to argue.

"I didn't take it!" I began, "I sold it on eBay."

"No," my sister said. "I can see it, it's right there, and you took it."

"No I didn't. I sold it. It's gone!" I continued. This back-and-forth continued for awhile until she got annoyed, took the fan without my noticing, and I fell back into silent rest.

More recently my sister also tried to wake me one morning to ask if she could borrow a sweater, which she was already wearing. "Oh, you don't want that," I said. "It's covered in bugs. It's gross."

"No, I'm wearing it right now. It's fine. Can I borrow it?"

"No, it's disgusting, it's covered in all these tiny little bugs!"

I'm not always so argumentative though. Once I woke a boyfriend to tell him to "go to the top of the mountain and bring us back some food." Apparently I was very firm with this demand, which doesn't make a lot of sense since I have no idea where the nearest mountain is, and there were plenty of grocery stores and restaurants that were much closer. But like I said, logic and sleep talking don't really co-mingle.

Now it's your turn to tell me the funniest things you or a loved one have said while asleep. I am looking forward to these stories. The person who makes me laugh the most gets a visit from me in their dreams (or nightmares). How's that for a prize?