My momentary shock upon finding out that my room was a camper trailer in the backyard, quickly turned into relief that I would be occupying a completely different living space than the stains and the cocaine.
His cancer had been caused not by smoking, but by HPV that had been lying dormant for decades.
When I wiped, I saw a single white worm on the toilet paper. Like any sane person would do, I freaked out, sobbing hysterically at 5 am.
Even though the alcoholic in my life has been gone for years, the disease still lingers. I’ve locked it out of the house and it sits on the front porch waiting patiently to sneak back in.
Sometimes it really boggles my mind that I am somebody's mother and therefore am culturally expected to nag members of my household to keep our living spaces clean.
Bad news came at us like a runaway freight train. At first, it was a broken leg. Then it was a fractured femur. Then an infection set in. Then it was an amputated leg. From the thigh.
I couldn’t tell you how old I was when I learned to read or when we stopped practicing cursive in school, but I can describe the view from the upper floor of the Columbia-Presbyterian hospital parking garage in almost perfect detail.
It started small. Forgetting words, getting turned around when driving, repeating stories. Initially, it seemed like stress -- and my mom was very good at playing it off.
Being the priest’s kid defined me and my siblings even more so than being the children of a disabled person.
And while we're on the subject, is it SO HARD to just throw out the empty milk container instead of leaving it on the counter? The garbage can is RIGHT THERE.
One year, in my early teens, my dad’s then-girlfriend gave me a Thighmaster for Christmas.
My spouse is still in his love affair with MJ. In all honesty, at times I feel like my love triangle has become one where my husband cheats on his sweet, loving weed with me, the tumultuous mistress.
I didn’t know it yet, but by the time I sent that tweet, my mom had already been dead for nine minutes.
I'm embarrassed to admit to you and to anybody that I'm not sure how I feel about babies at a time when it's maybe most important for me to know.
Just like buses, you wait all week for a juicy celebrity story and then two come along at once
We went out and had a nice, big, happy family outing (My mom likes to speculate in retrospect that my dad was just gathering witnesses). Coming home exhausted, we all went to bed except my dad, who stayed up and got high.
I tried to love my sister, the same way I would have loved a handicapped child or one with Down’s Syndrome. But instead of missing a limb or a chromosome, Ellen lacked warm and fuzzy feelings as well as a conscience.