Woo, We’re Getting Our Own Version of Girls!

Except our version is a spin-off of the Inbetweeners and it’s set in Leeds. LETS MAKE UP SOME STORYLINES!

Nov 14, 2012 at 11:18am | Leave a comment

image

The A Voice of my a generation. Me aged 23. I didn't have a fucking clue what was going on. It's also a rare shot of my dodgy teeth.

Ah Lena Dunham. I wanted to hold off talking about her on xoJane UK until Girls launched here. By which point I was So. Over. It. that I decided to write about my beautiful fictional babies instead.

Anyway, now we’re getting our own version of this coming-of-age series. And it already sounds like ours is going to be delightfully less glossy and that little bit shitter. As it should be.  

I want to start off by saying that I’ve watched the first couple of episodes of the first series of Girls and it’s… ok. I didn’t love it, I didn’t hate it. I found the characters fairly unlikeable, and not in a particularly compelling way. Some bits rang true to life, but not enough to really grab me. Maybe I’m just too old?

So, can British show Drifters (for that is its name) do any better?

The show tells the tale of (and I’m quoting verbatim from the press release here) three twenty-something young women experiencing their first slice of the real world post-University - making terrible decisions, but having a brilliant time doing it. For the ‘Drifter' girls it's time to start asking some serious questions: What do they do now? Who are they going to be? And is it ok to shag someone with a sweat problem if you haven't had sex in twelve months?

Not fully paid up career women, Meg (Jessica Knappett), Bunny (Lydia Rose Bewley) and Laura (Lauren O'Rourke) take on a series of menial jobs in their home town of Leeds that allow them to cling to the last vestiges of girlhood - that stage where everything is terrifying and exciting in equal measure.

Right, good-oh. Now, assuming Drifters manages to negotiate all the racist/classist pitfalls the first series of Girls was panned for, what do we want it to cover?

Because I’m so good at making up fictional TV plotlines, I’ve got some storyline suggestions for Drifters. They are in no way based on anything factual from my life whatsoever. No way, José.

Here is the tale of three bright young graduates, trying to make their way in the big, bad world. What crazy highjinks will befall them? 

[opening scene]

Despite having a 2:1 in anthropology from a (non polytechnic) university, one of the girls ends up doing a job that involves a hair net and a tabard. After a particularly depressing night of post-work drinks in Yates’ she is sick in the pocket of the tabard whilst serving sausage rolls. Cue laughter track. 

Her friend lands a relatively cushy number in a call centre. She finds herself cold-calling people to try and sell them accidental death insurance in the midst of a major terrorist attack. The canned laughter people are now HOWLING with glee. 

Meanwhile, one of the girls is doing work experience on her old student paper. She’s asked to road test the sexual health services at said university. She writes a particularly sanctimonious piece about the importance of wearing a condom. Before going back to do a follow-up interview, and discovering that she has chlamydia. The canned laughter people are now wetting their pants in mirth. When the girl in question is so shocked she falls off the stirrups and onto the floor, Miranda-style, it’s so funny someone actually has an aneurism.

EVEN MORE HILARIOUSLY, she got chlamydia from her boyfriend, who’s shagging the girl from his graduate training scheme. Lolz.

Her pal isn’t faring much better. After accidentally falling pregnant and realising that she never bothered to register with a doctor, she mistakenly walks into a group nutrition class at the local health centre and announces to the entire room that she’d like to arrange a termination. 15 pensioners and a nutritionist turn to stare blankly at her. 

In my head, this oddly plays like a scene from Last of the Summer Wine, but I can’t think why. Was there an episode where Nora Batty got unexpectedly knocked up? 

Could be worse, at least she didn’t get dangerously into debt because she spent a year paying for fried chicken deliveries from the local Chicken Cottage with cheques, despite having long exceeded her graduate overdraft limit. D’oh!

Talking of food, one of her mates put on half a stone after landing her dream internship, discovering she was working for a coven of witches and spending six months crying in the toilet and eating Toffee Crisps.

The trio collectively realise that things are just too shit to go on and all bugger off to Chamonix to be chalet girls for a ski season. Or until the recession’s over.

[SEASON ONE ENDS]

Ok, some of these scenes may have been a teeny bit based on my life. And no, I'm not saying which ones. 

However, I've been out of the game for a while – can anyone under the age of 25 confirm or deny if things are still this bleak now? Depressingly, there were even jobs around when I graduated, and things were still an unmitigated disaster for at least three years.

If it makes you feel any better, things do start to pick up a bit eventually. Well, not really, you just stop giving a shit quite as much. And you get a bit more grown up, and stop acting like such a twat, which helps. For example, I’ve only been sick in my tabard once this week. GROWTH.

What do you want to see from Drifters? How shiteous were your early twenties? Anyone else ever been sick in their tabard?