Strictly Come Dancing 2012, Week 7: AKA The Slightly Below Average One

Despite a 6,000 strong live audience, flying bike and men dancing in tiny yellow pants, Saturday's show was a bit of an anti-climax.

Nov 19, 2012 at 1:00pm | Leave a comment

Maybe it's because I spent the entire morning catching up on the week's It Takes Two and became convinced that it was going to be the best episode ever, or maybe I just missed Artem's chest, but despite hosting a fajita-fuelled viewing party, I wanted more from Saturday night's Strictly.

Let's get straight to the dancing.

The moves

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Lisa kicked us off by literally throwing herself into Rose Royce's Carwash. The poor love's samba rolls didn't really sizzle, but that smile and the fluro frock lit up Wembley, before a standing ovation, or perhaps a vaginal injury thanks to those painful-looking splits, left our Lise in tears. Score: 32.

Next up, Nicky's jive. It looked promising in the training room, but failed to impress on the night thanks to the man's inability to straighten a leg. Darcy suggested he might have tight hamstrings, but his perpetual squatting looked more like he was holding back a turd, so I prescribe a toilet trip. Score: middle of the road 30.

Denise took to the floor to Walk Like an Egyptian in an inexplicable fake fringe. Why the hair department will take every opportunity to glue a merkin on a male dancer's forehead but failed to procure Denise a simple black fringed bob, I do not know, but from the neck up she looked a right old state.

The same cannot be said for her clean Charlston, which inspired three judges to whip out their tens. I'd have given it a nine. Score: 39

Louis danced next. Poor, technically excellent, woefully undermarked, suspiciously tactile with Flavia, Louis (re-watch the results show... he practically licked her shoulder).

His quickstep American smooth with hip-hop mash-up could have done with a slightly stronger frame and some sort of a facial expression, but it was exciting, refreshing and impressive, yet once again he failed to impress the judges.

The boy done good. The judges are blind. The referee's a wanker. Score: 30. Sodding 30.

Richard's salsa was not very good, despite the aforementioned budgie-smugglers. His footwork was messy, movement was a bit laborious, but he had a cheery smile thoughout and I actually liked the storytelling. And the bedazzled Hawaiian shirt. Score: 24.

Pendleton rode through the sky on a bike – the only high point of her limp paso doble. Apparently the nation is still gripped with Olympic fever (can we call time after Sports Personality of the Year, please?).

The bike intro plus a Union Jack-themed cat suit were enough to keep her out of the bottom two, despite the judges finally giving her the score she deserves: 24.

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Dani and Kimberley both turned in solid performances. Their dancing was clean, choreography was exciting and difficult and their enthusiasm was infectious. Dani earned a personal best of 36, while a couple of moments of lost concentration put Kimberley slighty behind on 34.

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Finally, Michael Vaughan closed the show. Doing an American smooth. To New York, New York.

It was a perfect storm and the live audience and judges were swept away. He's completely ironed out those timing issues, and that's to be commended. He’s absolutely the most improved but is by no stretch the second best dancer in this competition.

Yet his showmanship and Natalie's amazing champagne dress won out and he was awarded a whopping 35.

The result
Sarah Harding howled through a performance by Girls Aloud and Kylie stayed classy in an awesome cropped jump-suit, while Claudia completely out-presented Tess YET AGAIN.

When it came to the results, good sense prevailed and Nicky limped over the line while Richard said goodbye. It's always a relief when none of the hot male dancers are eliminated, too; if we can just hang on to Pasha to the end I'll be happy.

Next week you'll be in the capable hands of Rebecca, as I'm off to pretend it's Christmas on a mini-break, and then Alisande will gloriously return for your recapping amusement. It's been a pleasure!

Tory tweets @ToryFrostWrites