Kitten Heels Go Crazy, Sexy, Cool

Kitten heels have restored my faith in the shoe gods. And lord, had I lost faith. I hate wearing high heels. I hate the wobbling insecurity, the sore scrunched-up toes, the half-speed tottering, the sheer bloody effort of it all.

Dec 10, 2012 at 11:00am | Leave a comment

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Don’t get me wrong, I own loads of high heels; really nice expensive ones with dust bags and monthly salary price tags, but they hardly ever see the light of day. I love them as sculptural pieces, as wearable art, but in practise, on my feet, out on the cold hard streets of London, they’re a bloody disaster. But what was the alternative? Nothing, nothing I tell you. There just wasn’t one. For years it was high-as-hell or f-all.

But then kitten heels came back into my life, and everything was right with the world once more. Yes I know; I know kitten heels don’t have the best rep. I know when most people hear the words they think dreary, dowdy, female politicians, but just hear me out. They’ve changed. They’ve had a makeover. They’ve gone all crazy, sexy, cool! Would I lie to you?

Still not convinced? Well maybe I can persuade you with my 5 top reasons why kitten heels are where it’s at, and my pick of this season’s litter (sorry, couldn’t resist!)*.

1. You can actually walk in them. Like properly walk… up and down stairs and shit… not just hobble around like a wounded wildebeest. I know this might seem an obvious requirement for footwear, but er, it’s really not so much any more. See this Christian Louboutin quote for reference; ‘There is a heel that is too high to walk in, certainly. But who cares? You don't have to walk in high heels’. Err sorry Chris, but you kinda do.

2. They’re a fantastic alternative to flats. I love flat shoes; ballet pumps, slipper shoes, loafers, trainers, yes yes yes, but they do nothing for the calf. A kitten heel however gives you that little extra lift; that sexy little tilt that lengthens the calf and slims the leg, and that, my friends, can only be a good thing.

3. You’re not going to be mistaken for a stripper, a member of a girl band or even worse, a reality TV ‘star’. You may on the other hand, if you’re lucky, be compared to Audrey Hepburn, Jackie Onassis or Michelle Obama (all kitten heel fans). You probably won’t, but you never know.

4. You don’t have to spend the whole night worrying that you’re going to topple over and smash your face in. It’s (almost) impossible to fall off a kitten heel. Admittedly I did once fall down a flight of stairs and do my arm in and have to get rescued by the really hot caretaker who then gasped at my unshaven leg when I got the heel of a kitten heel caught in the abnormally large turn-up of my trousers; but that was the trousers’ bad, not the kitten heels.

5. They’re sexy in a demure, knowing way. Think sexy sec, 1950s pin-up, Mrs Robinson. Purrrrrr.

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So there you have it, my case is complete. What’s the verdict? Are you a kitten heel convert? Will any of these make it onto your Christmas wish-list? Do you also have a wardrobe full of shoes you never wear?

*Kitten heels are traditionally 1 ½ - 1 ¾ inches high, and I’ll admit now that some of these are slightly higher and reach the giddying height of 3 inches *gasp*! I considered not including them, but they were just. too. hot. And besides, as worldly women I like to think we can all handle an extra inch or two.

For more thoughts on kitten heels and lots of other non-shoe and cat related things follow me on twitter @misssisig