I love Christmas jumpers because they tick so many boxes - they are practical, obviously, being deliciously warm, and they add colour and cheer to one of the darkest, dreariest times of the year. In recent seasons they've even been 'on trend' (dreaded phrase) thanks to a proliferation of what can only be described as novelty-animal-themed knitwear on the catwalk (Burberry, Mulberry, Kenzo, Christopher Kane...)
However, that's irrelevant as even if you do wear one in a wry, 'isn't this awful!' way, festive jumpers remain stubbornly, gloriously irony-free. No-one can look cool when dribbling gravy down their reindeer-adorned tum on Christmas Day and that's exactly as it should be.
Some of the things Christmas jumpers should have on them: robins, reindeers, other animals wearing hats, sequins, snowflakes, holly.
Such is their overenthusiastic cheeriness, they will inevitably shed glittery fluff on the rest of your wardrobe, so separate them from anything you treasure (especially velvet trousers – bitter lesson learned there) with a random sweatshirt or something in a dry cleaning bag.
Christmas jumpers fall into two categories – ‘novelty’ knits that are specifically Christmas-themed and ‘fashion’ jumpers which you could conceivably see on the catwalk ‘teamed’ with a leather pencil skirt or whatever. I’m going for a mixture of both here.
And just to warn you, I got a bit carried away. In fact, I urge you not to spend money on a new frock for the stupid party season - last year's is perfectly fine, no-one will remember you wore it before, and instead I really think you should invest in one of these (you will thank me for this sage fashion advice, I promise...)
Asos is really on fire with their jumper offering this season, from this fiery baroque beauty (I love those swirling, psychedelic shapes)...
to the unashamedly kitsch Christmas kitty...
and a classic, Scandi-style reindeer option.
Then we have the Fairisle bunch: Boden are keeping things pretty subtle with their navy version, while Boutique by Jaeger are quite the opposite with this NEON number. I'm sure Sarah Lund would approve.
and Gap are all cutesy and wholesome with their zingy lemon and lime Fairisle sweater.
My reindeer jumper (which I PROMISE I will photograph tonight) is from H&M and every year they provide yet more tempting knits like these pretty ones. I love the boldness of the colours and patterns.
We all know I love foxy fashion and here's something new to add to my collection! I like the raglan sleeves and the longer length - this would be great with a skater skirt or some navy cords and ankle boots.
Oh boy, Topshop have only gone and done a jumper with HOLLY LEAVES all over it! Wear THIS to your Christmas party and I guarantee you'll win some sort of prize.
And to end on a serious note, may I remind you all: a leopard is for life, not just for Christmas.
Now I've already started collecting pictures of the xoJaneUK contributors wearing their snazziest festive knitwear and I need your input too. Send your photos of you, your friends, family and pets wearing Christmas jumpers to email@example.com and I will build the mother of all galleries. I can't do it without you!