I Don't See How You Could Possibly Hate Hammer Pants

But if you're a Hammer pants hater: CHILL OUT, BRO.

Apr 30, 2014 at 6:00pm | Leave a comment

In case you haven't noticed, it's currently very trendy to comment on any fashion post that shows a slightly slinky, relaxed style of pant by saying "OMG LOL Hammer pants ewww!!!" To which I say "Pffffffffft!"

You broads don't know what you're missing by allowing yourself to wear Hammer (ish) pants in the middle of the day. It's basically a license to wear your pajamas in public.

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2 Legit 2 Quit! (I forgot that MC Hammer made a fifteen minute video for that song starring James Brown, Danny Glover, Henry Winkler, Tony Danza, James Belushi and a host of other pretty big stars. It's also ranked as one of the most expensive music videos ever, costing $2,500,000.00 in 1991 dollars.)

Hammer pants are so named because they resemble a style frequently worn by 1990s rapper MC Hammer, best known for the hit single 'Addams Family Groove'.

I kid, it was obviously "Can't Touch This," but that image of Hammer getting his head chopped off in a guillotine by a young Christina Ricci as Wednesday Addams is priceless. (Even though The Munsters is a superior show about a creepy, macabre family in every single way.)

I wasn't going to go in on the dorky, boring Hammer pants haters until I got this email from our fearless leader Emily:

"How the hell do you wear a drapey pant? I bought these and don't know how to style them. Willing to be photographed in said pants."
I immediately bought myself the exact same pair, (but in blue!) I decided to answer her question and preach the gospel of slouchy Hammer inspired pants to you here at the same time.

First things first: the main trick to pulling off this style of pant lies in making sure the crotch isn't so low as to look like a diaper. If it hangs down too long, it looks like you dumped in your pants. Too high, and you lose the relaxed pajama fit that is the inherently awesome part about wearing Hammer style pants outside of your house. The right pair gives you a little extra air down there without being ridiculous, ya know?

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Besides being on crotch patrol, there are a few more cardinal rules to keep in mind when wearing a relaxed-crotch pant -- and if you follow them, you'll always be golden. No matter what you choose to match them with. 

Show some ankle.

The thing that evens out the silhouette of a baggier-waisted pant is the gathered, tapered hem and sliver of skin at the ankle -- it keeps the look from becoming too sloppy and oversized. (Emily is working the ankle flash perfectly up there.)

If you're unsure, start with a pair in black and white.

Hammer pants are inherently kind of a big statement on their own. A pair in a wild pattern can tend to tip the whole look into screamingly insane territory -- so a black and white pair is a safe starting point. Plug in a simple, brightly colored tank with interesting straps and a contrasting sandal for the easiest, slouchiest outfit ever. (To make it office appropriate, just add a blazer on top!)

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Everything in this image can be found right here.

Sleeveless is best.

The full volume bottom of a pair of drop-crotch pants means your top half needs to be as bare as possible. A sleeveless top also helps to draw the eye up, making people less likely to notice that you're basically wearing a potato sack in place of pants. 

Don't tuck in your shirt.

I find that the gathered, elastic waistband of the slinky Hammer pant tends to add unnecessary bulk -- and distracts from the flow of your outfit, creating a weird horizontal line right in the middle of your body tableau. An untucked top with a floaty, flutter-y hem that grazes right at the bottom of your hipbone is the perfect mate for a pair of Hammer pants, as it then segues gracefully into the hip area, which is the widest part of the pants.

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Poor posing, proper proportion.

Wear 'em with flat or stacked heels only!

The Hammer-style pant is ultra casual in nature. Some manufacturers even refer to them as "joggers." So it stands to reason that stiletto or spike heels throw off the whole look. No Pumps in a Bump with these pants, ya hear? (Fair warning: Hammer himself is wearing a Speedo bikini swimsuit in that video.) Flat sandals or low heeled boots look best with drop-crotch trousers -- but a pair of platforms can also take them straight to the club without a second thought.

Sweeten up your Hammer pants with a little country-fried flair.

The perfect antidote to the new-fangled vibe of a pair of Hammer pants is a sweet chambray shirt and some cowboy-inspired ankle boots. (You can also just tie up any button-up shirt at the tail for some straight Dukes of Hazzard-inspired style in a snap.) 

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All shopping info is right here.

When in doubt, just throw on a T-shirt.

This season's Hammer pants come in patterns that rival the Zubaz trousers of the 1980s, but a simple graphic tee turns down the volume on an ultra-wild pair with ease. Plus, a Kurt Cobain-style grandpa cardigan mixes nicely to ward off agressive movie theatre or shopping mall air conditioning. 

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Buy all this stuff right here.

The real point here is this: there's good style to be found everywhere you look -- and nothing is so god-awful that someone somewhere can't 'make it work.' So ignore the naysayers and wear your drop-crotched pants with pride -- 'cause it's Hammer Time!

I'm on Twitter: @IveyAlison