Didn’t it used to be easier to follow trends? I used to just pick my thing of the season to interpret in my own way and on my own budget – say tropical prints or jumpsuits. Now maybe I’m showing my age, but it’s tough out there. Take big eyebrows as seen on my mega-crush Cara Delevingne. You can’t just buy big eyebrows in Boots like you can pick up a minty-hued nail varnish. You have to grow them back from their over-plucked, unnaturally arched state (I started plucking my eyebrows aged 13 to curtail the monobrow they were growing into) which, I recently discovered, in solidarity with Phoebe, is quite impossible to do.
Then there are long hairdos – wear your hair wavy this week, twisted on your head the next. I’m a sucker for those how-to features which show you how to whip up the this-season style but that’s no good if you have shortish hair like me and the most exciting thing you can do is brush it.
So, rather pragmatically, I’ve given up believing that I can ever get involved in extreme hair trends (time issues), but when it comes to clothes, more and more they seem to demand some kind of bodily modification too and I feel left out. See that lingering street-trend for dresses and tops with suggestively placed holes in them and the return of crop tops to the grown-up catwalks. When I see these outfits online and in the magazines, insane thoughts go through my mind such as, ‘Right, I’m going to start doing 1000 sit-ups a day so I can wear one of those’.
I’m not a prudish dresser. I like my skirts short and don’t mind that bra strap hanging out, but when it comes to the middle section, it needs to stay under wraps. It’s hard, as a fashion fan, to resist those so retro yet so fresh Dolce & Gabbana summer tops and pencil skirts - I’ll never be able to afford them of course, but god I want to touch them or at the very least hunt down the ASOS version.
My trend-trying options seem twofold: to fake it or do them in a kind of half-hearted, covered-up way, e.g. by wearing a loose crop top over a very high-waisted skirt or by getting a fringe cut so no one notices my untrendy, 90s eyebrows. Or I can expose a ‘safe’ area like my shoulders through tastefully-placed shoulder-holes which is fine, but boring.
Or perhaps I should just admit that extreme cutout trends are for posing only (see the divine Rihanna in those Vita Coco ads) and not for real life at all, because let’s face it, even if we’d had the summer weather for it, no real, average-sized people actually wear crop tops or stringy swimsuits , do they?
I need to know if anyone over the age of 18 has tried the croptop look or – gulp – another cutout garment. How did it go?