Boulder Management for Busty Women

In 1988 I was the Usain Bolt of breast development and no-one in the entire school could catch me.

Sep 12, 2012 at 9:00am | Leave a comment

Until the age of about 27 the only time I ever wore sleeveless clothes was on holiday. I had to be experiencing some extreme heat in a completely different continent for me to uncover my upper arms to the world. UK summers - forget it, they were staying covered and I didn’t care how hot and sticky it got. With UK summers renowned for not being hot and sticky in the first place, we’re not talking about weeks and months on end - but you get the gist. At this point you probably think that I kept my arms covered because I was embarrassed by their fatness. No. My hidden arms had nothing to do with my arms themselves and everything to do with my larger than average bust.

I started developing really early and by twelve I was in absolute distress over my lady lumps and poured my heart out to agony aunt Ellie from Jackie magazine. Ellie was an absolute sweetheart and took the time to send me a personal typewritten response that I still have to this day (filed in the same shoe box as my un-mailed application to join the River Phoenix fan club. The £16 joining fee was a lot of money to me at that time and my mother would never have let me have the money for such foolishness. Parents just don’t understand). Big sister Ellie advised me that, “most of your classmates are probably worried that they’re not keeping up with you.” Well of course they weren’t. In 1988 I was the Usain Bolt of breast development and no-one in the entire school could catch me.

By fifteen I had long outgrown the pretty lacy bras worn by my peers who bought their smalls in fashionable places like Topshop and Miss Selfridge. Bras there were delicate icing for cupcake breasts, but what I needed was structural engineering for couple of boulders. Icing wasn’t cutting it. I had to make do with the attractively named 'Doreen' bra by Triumph which was, and still is a serious reinforced big girl bra with a look as matronly as the name suggests.

In the fog of my bosom insecurity I figured out that sleeveless clothes only amplify a big bust. Sleeveless clothes are cut to fit the bust and around the armholes more closely to compensate for the lack of sleeves. Closer fit equals more unwanted attention and I was already getting too much of that. At the ripe old age of 27 I finally got some sense and realised that I was never going to dupe anyone into thinking I have a small bust so I might as well stop punishing myself in the summer, hold my head high and feel the heat my limbs. Ten years later I’ve shaken off any confidence issues I had with my boobs and over the years I’ve tried, tested and demolished lesser bras that just couldn’t hang. Armed with my trusted trio of boulder-management heavy duty bras my arms now see the sunshine whichever country I’m in - and I don’t care how big the breasts look.

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Triumph Doreen bra, £29, very.co.uk

The great, great grandma of all big bras - the classic Doreen by Triumph. Thankfully it’s now also available in a wider choice of colours than just black and white. Up to size 44H.

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Energise Nude Underwired Sports Bra, £31, elomilingerie.com

This bra is the mother of all sports bras. You can star jump to your hearts content with minimal bounce. Those bad boys are going nowhere. Available up to a 38J.

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Tango balcony bra from Panache Superbra, £22.25, thebracloset.co.uk

I’ve always read that a correctly fitting underwire bra should hit your chest - not your breasts, at the centre. Until I found this, the Tango bra by Panache, I thought that bit of bra fitting advice was only for the B cups. No pinching, no poking, no jutting out, no sagging after three wears or throughout the day. Just one pair of very well supported, magnificent bosoms. Up to size 44K.

These are my three favourite bras ever. Which bras do you swear by?